Self-love is Having Strong Energetic Boundaries

Having boundaries, for ourselves and others, empowers us to navigate the world in a way that reveres our values and needs. There’s a lot of talk about the importance of having spoken boundaries, but not so much about energetic boundaries. The premise is this: everything is energy, and all living beings have an energy field and subtle energy anatomy, including the chakras and the aura. We need solid energetic boundaries to protect our energy field, stay full of our life-force energy, and to be the drivers of our lives. Aligning energetic boundaries with spoken boundaries is a form of self-love: it honors our body and spirit, empowers us, and paves the way for us to manifest our dreams. 

When other people’s energy crosses into our space, it’s unclear what emotions, sensations, and thoughts are our own. Have you ever noticed someone walk into a room, and suddenly their mood becomes your mood? That’s an example of taking on someone else’s energy. Another example: as a nurse, I would often somatically feel the patient’s pain or emotions. It was hard for me to stay in my peaceful mood when I was with someone who was going through the ringer. In empathizing and trying to make them feel better, I unconsciously took in their energy and as a result, I felt less and less myself. I had no clue that I was an empath, or highly sensitive person, at the time, and like a sponge, I absorbed all the energy around me. Doing this day after day, I burnt out of nursing after just two years, and felt like a shell of myself. 

I am grateful that my spirit guided me to energy medicine, where I learned exactly what I needed to heal myself. I learned that in order to lead joyful and peaceful lives on our terms, we must nourish ourselves first. Garnering self-love is key and that starts with caring for your energy. 

During my study of energy medicine, I found that having strong energetic boundaries involves: 

1. Being grounded: our physical body, emotional body, and energy systems need to be grounded into the Earth so that we remain resilient and rooted in our own energy. Trees need a foundation of deep roots to stay stable in a storm, remove waste, and draw up nutrients. We are much like trees in this way, obtaining very similar benefits from grounding. 

2. Being full of our life force energy: Our life force energy, also known as “qi” in Traditional Chinese medicine, is our energy fingerprint. It’s totally unique to us, and when we are filled to the brim with our own energy, we feel vibrant, healthy, peaceful, and creative. Like a gas tank, if we are super low on our life force energy, we can feel drained, with a weaker immune system and diminished energetic boundaries. 

3. Having a strong aura: the aura is like a giant egg energy sphere that protects us from external energies and keeps our life force energy securely contained. A healthy aura filters out negative energies and provides a sacred space for us, wherever we go. 

4. Maintaining neutrality: by remaining neutral towards other people’s moods, behaviors, and circumstances, we protect our energy. We can be compassionate and remain neutral, without overly empathizing (feeling the emotions of others, imagining ourselves in their shoes, assigning judgment to their situation). When we witness others neutrally and hold compassionate space, we allow them to experience their journey and we give ourselves the gift of remaining sovereign in our own energy. 

Much of this is contrary to how many women (including nonbinary folks who identify with this experience) are taught to operate in the world. We are often socialized to please others, over-empathize, be selfless caregivers, and prioritize the wellbeing of everyone else besides ourselves. We learn from an early age that in order to be loved and valued, we must take care of others, often repressing our needs. While being a nurturing caregiver is a beautiful thing, doing so at the expense of your wellbeing is not. I did this for years, running on the hamster wheel of life and doing what I thought I was supposed to. In time, I wound up with burnout, chronic anxiety, fatigue, and unexplained physical symptoms like migraines and joint pain. My body was communicating with me, showing me how lacking energetic boundaries caused physical, emotional, and mental turmoil. 

If any of this resonates for you, I hope that you might be able to give yourself grace and love. We are given immense challenges like this in order to learn exactly and evolve as spirits. You are exactly where you are supposed to be and there is absolutely nothing wrong. Knowledge is power, and this article is meant to provide greater awareness around a very common yet rarely discussed topic.  

While I was in the tumultuousness of burnout (a consequence of lacking energetic boundaries), I strained to see the hidden lessons. Now, though, it’s crystal clear that this experience occurred to underscore the importance of caring for and loving myself first. While it took time to unwind from my patterns and heal myself, I am so grateful for this journey. The energy medicine tools that I’ve honed empower me to protect myself and be full of my own vibrant energy. The behaviors of others and chaotic environments don’t impact my energy nearly as much, and if I am impacted, I am aware and able to clear out what is not serving me. Another huge shift is that I understand my needs and communicate them, knowing that my worth is not determined by pleasing others. I move through the world empowered, fully trusting myself, and nourished by my own self-love - in my opinion, there really is no greater gift than that. I’ve learned that self-love lies at the core of all authentically empowered boundaries, spoken or energetic. When we love ourselves and believe that we are intrinsically worthy, we become deeply rooted in our own power and resilience, no matter what comes our way.  

As an energy medicine practitioner, I am now excited to be teaching others how to strengthen their energetic boundaries to reclaim their peace and become the drivers of their lives. If you’re interested in learning how to apply the tools above, I invite you to my workshop, Energy Medicine Tools to Prevent Burnout & Reclaim Your Peace.